Help My Unbelief

“Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, But to Your name give glory, Because of Your mercy, Because of Your truth.” Psalm 115:1, NKJV.

Noi came from a Buddhist family, and for many years she approached Christianity with polite unbelief. She went to a Christian Kindergarten when she was 3 years old.

In her town the only education her family could afford was Christian, so she listened, but the Bible stories went in one ear and out the other. When she heard the creation story she thought, “That’s not true, that’s a man made story.” Noi felt that her parent’s Buddhist beliefs were good enough for her.

As a teen Noi attended school in a neighboring city. She lived in a Christian dormitory for three years. Noi was driven to be the best in school, and her stress levels skyrocketed to the point that her health began to fail. When she was taken to see a doctor, he advised her to relax more and not take her studies quite as seriously.

The pastor from the church she attended visited Noi and told her that Jesus could help her deal with her stress. He said, “Noi, Jesus may be using this time to call you to be His follower.”

Noi decided that if Jesus could help her do well in her studies she would follow Him. But her decision was only half-hearted. God did help Noi with her studies, and she started to think that the Bible might be true after all. Still she waffled between faith and unbelief.

After high school Noi moved to yet another city to continue her education. She lived with a Filipino missionary family. They continued to disciple her, and she continued to listen politely.

Noi went to church with her host family. She’d often sit on the back row every Sunday. Whenever a person would stand to give a testimony about healing, or God helping with some problem, Noi would think, “That’s not true. They are making that up.”

As Noi planned for her college studies she decided that she wanted to be a teacher in the mountains to help the hill tribes who lived nearby. She asked God to help her get into the education program. She sat for the entrance exam to be a teacher and she failed the exam. This made her angry and confused. “Why didn’t You help me, God?” she thought. Shortly after that, Noi stopped going to church.
 
Noi was at the crossroads when her sister, who was also a Christian, visited her. She advised Noi to seek God first, and give up her plans in order to follow Him. Noi heeded her sister’s advice and went back to church.

That Sunday a person asked Noi if she had ever considered nursing. Noi had not thought of that. Since she really had no other plans, she decided to look into the nursing program. She learned that it was the last day for her to take the entrance exam. After church she went to the school, sat through an interview, and passed the entrance exam. Not only that, but Noi also received a scholarship to get a nursing degree.

As she looked back on her stubbornness and unbelief, God convicted her that she needed to give up trying to control her life and surrender everything to Him. It was at this point that Noi completely surrendered her life to following Jesus. She now believed that God was the one true God who listens to His people.

God was not done teaching Noi about repentance and brokenness. In her second year of nursing school, after doing very well her first year, Noi’s grades began to drop. Her class work suffered so much that her advisor called her in to find out what might be the problem. Noi learned that she needed 25 out of 30 to pass the semester with a D. Such a high score on the final exam seemed impossible to Noi.

Her advisor told her to study hard and do her best. Noi knew she needed a miracle. She knelt before the LORD and surrendered again. She realized that she was still trusting in her own plans and abilities, and she needed to believe in God and give Him credit for her successes.

When grades came out Noi found that she had passed the semester with a C+. The only way for that to happen was for her to have passed the final exam with 100 percent. She knew this was a miracle that God had given in answer to prayer. All her life she had an attitude of “prove it” and finally God brought her to the point of saying with her whole heart, “I believe.”

Noi used her nursing degree to work in a Baptist medical clinic in Chiang Klang, Thailand, helping the people living in the mountains, almost like she had wanted. After several years the medical clinic had to close, and she was invited to stay on to start a new ministry. Strangely enough, her new ministry was to go and teach people up in the mountains!

God took many years to mold and break Noi so she would be prepared for His service. Then after she had finally surrendered all to Him, He gave her back her original request. Noi said, “I believe in miracles. And I now know that life is about God and His plans, not me and my plans.”

Pray that:

Noi will continue to have faith in God alone, and not in her abilities or talents.

The people of the mountains will hear of God’s faithfulness and love through many prepared servants like Noi.

Believers in Northern Thailand will learn Noi’s lesson that a relationship with the Living God is more important than any plans they may have.

Pacific Rim is a region of the International Mission Board, SBC.