My Family is My Heart

“I entreated Thy favor with all my heart; be gracious to me according to Thy word.” Psalm 119: 58, NAS.

Wan grew up in a very close Chinese-Thai Buddhist family who was proud of the traditions they carefully observed. Wan remembers going to temple often, making special foods for the monks, and offering sacrifices. Her dream was to get married and to carry on these traditions.

One family occasion stands out in her mind. She was in secondary school when her family went out to the country to honor their dead ancestors as was their yearly tradition. As she watched the smoke rise from the burning paper, she began to question her mother about the truth of the ceremony. She was not convinced that her deceased grandmother could indeed receive the good wishes and respect that were accompanying the smoke. However her mother quickly squelched Wan’s questions, admonishing her that she was being disrespectful.

Wan’s family wanted the best education for her, so she was sent to Catholic school until age 14. She enjoyed the love she experienced there. As she watched her friend receiving communion, she thought, “One day I will do that too.” Every morning during prayer time, she watched her friends praying to Mary. Eventually she joined them, feeling that Mary would receive her prayers as well.

When she returned to her family, the discord there was very difficult. Life at school seemed so simple in comparison. Her father acted as if everything was fine. He made it clear to Wan that she must not think too much about all that was happening. Her parents moved her to a Buddhist school in hopes that she would become more grounded in Buddhist thought.

One day she went to the park with one of her Catholic friends. She saw a Christian playing a guitar. The friend said, “That is not me.” Wan began to have very negative feelings about Christians.

At the end of high school, Wan got the highest score in her group on her college entrance examinations. Her family was very proud of her achievements. She confidently entered Thammasat University, the first person in her family to go on to higher education. She thought that at the university she would find fellow students who would be serious about fulfilling the hopes of the next generation.

Wan’s hopes were quickly dashed however when she found most of her fellow students wanted to party, smoke, and drink. She had thought that coming to the university would help her find meaning in life, but she soon realized that education was not providing the answers for which she searched.

Wan became friends with one young man whose lifestyle baffled her. He studied hard and did not drink. She thought he was so good that he must be pretending. She asked him, “Why are you such a good man?” His answer surprised her. He told her that he was a Christian. Wan’s negative ideas about Christians prevented her from accepting this answer. He began to share the Gospel with her, but she wasn’t ready to understand what he was talking about. She told him, “I went to Catholic school. I don’t see how this makes you good. Every religion makes you a good person.”

Wan felt that she was a good person. She tried hard to love everyone, but she knew that many times it was not coming from her heart. She felt that a terrible battle was going on in her mind. She wanted desperately to find a real, lasting love so, in time the young man became her boyfriend.

She began searching for what her friend had. She practically lived in the library for three months. She began reading the Bible and “Our Daily Bread” devotionals.. She received Christ in the library by herself, but she didn’t want to tell anyone but her boyfriend. He encouraged and coached her in the Christian life. For a year, she was as happy as she had ever been. She thought, “I have God, and I have a good man too.”

Then Wan’s heart was broken when the relationship came to an end. She wanted to forget everything, including God. But she says, “When my boyfriend went away, Jesus Christ came in. I had a space for Jesus in my mind. It was a peaceful broken heart. I loved Jesus even more.”

Wan did not want to hide her relationship with God from her family any longer. She asked God to open the door so she could share what had happened to her with them. Her mom noticed that something was different. She was puzzled by the good changes she saw in Wan’s outlook. So Wan told her how God had changed her heart. Her mother was very upset and wanted her to leave the family. Wan says that she felt like a stranger among them. She prayed, “Lord, help my family to understand my life under you.”

Although Wan did not leave the family, the Buddhist traditions which they practiced became very stressful times for her. She did not want to participate, yet she did not want to cause conflict within the family either. She felt that, like Job, God was really testing her commitment to Him. When her mother insisted she go to the ceremony to honor the ancestors, Wan prayed that she would be able to stand firm. Unexpectedly, her father called from Japan and agreed that she should not be forced to go. Wan knew her prayers had been answered and that God was honoring her steadfastness.

In 2000 as Wan was graduating from Thammasat University, the job outlook throughout Thailand was very poor. The country’s economy had still not recovered from the 1997 crash. But Wan sent out only one resume. Even before she took her university examinations, she landed a job with a top U.S. company. She felt on top of the world. She had a great job, many friends, and she enjoyed the freedom of living far from home. Within two years she received a promotion. During this time, her boss changed, and Wan was delighted that he was a Christian.

She became active in her church. She was happy to do whatever needed to be done. She began to think about Jesus’ words about being salt and light and she wondered whether God might be calling her to do something more for Him. Once again she felt the battle was in her mind. Isaiah’s response of, “Here am I, send me,” weighed heavy on her heart.

In October 2001 she attended a Christian Life Camp in Pattaya. Amazingly, the theme was “Here Am I, Send Me!” While at this camp, Wan had a startling experience concerning God’s provision and protection. A bomb exploded at the factory where she worked, endangering the lives of her co-workers. She received many phone calls about her safety, and she could only praise God for deliverance from this terrible situation.

After this, Wan felt such a desire to follow God’s leading that she wanted to resign her job immediately, but God’s timing was different. Instead, she waited two more years until 2002. By doing this, God provided the funds for her to buy a computer. She says, “This was a present from God to me. He knows my life and He has a great plan for me. He knows what I need for my study. Every time I use this computer I am reminded that God provides everything I need.”

Now Wan is in the last year of her study at Thailand Baptist Theological Seminary. Next year she will write her thesis for her Master of Divinity degree. She has a talent for teaching and is searching for how God will use that in the future. She has a burden for teenagers coming to study the Bible. She wants to share with them how God has shown His love to her. She says, “I have known God only nine years, but I know He has loved me since I was in my mother’s womb.” Wan is excited that nowadays her family is very supportive. She has a vision that God will use her to reach her family. She says, “God knows that my family is my heart.”

Pray that:

Wan’s entire family will come to follow Jesus.

Youth will be challenged and helped to grow through Wan’s ministry.

Pacific Rim is a region of the International Mission Board, SBC.